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The Third Question After A Mass Shooting: Where Were The Parents?

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(3-2-18) From My Files Friday:  Whenever a mass shooting committed by a young person happens, the third question asked is about his parents. (The first two are generally about whether the shooter had a mental illness and talk about gun control.)

Alleged Parkland, Florida, school shooter, Nikolas Cruz, and his younger brother were adopted by Roger and Lynda Cruz. Roger died when the boys were young, leaving Lynda to rear her boys as a single mother. She first called the police about Cruz when he was 10 years old. It was one of dozens of calls during the next decade. Lynda died last November.

I’ve read articles blaming her. They are similar to comments after other mass murders, especially those that involve a young shooter with a mental illness. Surely the parents knew. They could have done something. They are to blame.

I don’t know enough about Nikolas Cruz to speak specifically about his childhood, but complaints about his mother reminded me of an Op Ed that I wrote for USA Today in 2011 after Jared Loughner shot U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords and eighteen others in a Tucson suburb. In that case, Loughner had a mental illness and there were warning signs.

Don’t Blame Jared Loughner’s Parents, published in USA TODAY, 1-14-11

By Pete Earley
What’s wrong with Jared Loughner’s parents? Why didn’t they do something? They must have known. Just look at the photograph of the Tucson shooting suspect. That grin. They should have raised him better.

These are comments I’ve heard and read on the Internet about Randy and Amy Loughner, whose son has been charged with shooting Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, D-Ariz., and 12 others, and killing six bystanders.

It’s unlikely the parent’s  statement — that they “don’t understand why this happened”— will soothe the criticism and public anger aimed at them. But as the parent of an adult son with a severe mental illness who has been arrested, I can sympathize with the Loughners and testify that there are reasons why a parent can be caught off guard.

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Kevin’s Recovery: Getting The Tools That He Needed, Now Working As A Peer Specialist

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(2-27-18) In this final snippet conducted by SAMHSA’s Gains Center, I describe how horrible mental illnesses are and how fortunate I am that my son Kevin is doing well today.

What helped him?

He finally accepted his illness and was given the tools that he needed – housing, a job, a purpose, and hope. I talk about recovery and note that we still don’t know how to help everyone recover, some don’t and often end their own lives, but we must have hope that someday everyone will. There was a time when I thought Kevin wouldn’t get better. Now he is doing fantastic and I am grateful that he allows me to continually share his story.

(Please note, that while my mind was telling me that Kevin had gained 20 pounds on medication, my mouth said he had gained 200 pounds. An embarrassing mistake. I apologize Kevin and want everyone to know that you did not gain 200 pounds!) Thanks to SAMHSA’s Gains Center for interviewing me.

Changing The Culture Of Law Enforcement: It’s About Us, Not “Those People.”

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(2-26-18) In this third, two-minute  snippet produced by SAMHSA’s Gains Center, I discuss how putting a “human face” on individuals who are in a mental health crisis helps change the culture in police departments. It is not about “those people.” It is about our children, our parents, our friends, and our neighbors – it is about us.

Tomorrow: How my son is doing today.

Being Taken Away In A Police Car Suggests You’ve Done Something Wrong!

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(2-23-18) In this two-minute SAMHSA Gains Center vignette, I describe how stigmatizing it is to be transported to a mental facility by the police, rather than in an ambulance or by a family member. I realize there are times when someone is so psychotic that calling the police is necessary, but it is always less traumatic for family members and a person, who is in crisis, if they can avoid police involvement.

Tomorrow: How important it is to change the culture at police departments.

Two Markedly Different Outcomes: Tasers vs Compassion. I Talk About My Son’s Encounters With Police

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(2-22-18) SAMHSA’s GAINS Center recently interviewed me about my family’s story and the need for mental health reform. In this first of four short segments – each 2 to 4 minutes long – I was asked to describe two much different encounters that my son had with law enforcement and how handcuffing someone who is sick and transporting them in a police squad car is traumatic.

As always, I appreciate my son’s willingness to allow me to share our story. Thank you Kevin.

(My reference to one-in-four fatal police shootings involving an individual with a mental illness is based on a Washington Post survey. The Treatment Advocacy Center puts the percentage much higher, writing “at least half of the people shot and killed by police each year in this country have mental health problems.”

Tomorrow: In a perfect world, how should someone who is in crisis be transported to a treatment facility.

Using Wealth & Smarts To Improve Their Community: Especially The Lives Of Children. Bravo Maxine Clark and Bob Fox!

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(2-20-18)  What would you do if you won the lottery? Everyone has thought about it. Instant wealth. Travel the world first class? Buy multiple homes? Expensive cars? Indulge yourself with luxuries?

Maxine Clark and Bob Fox are two St. Louis, Mo., based philanthropists who are using their self-made wealth to dramatically help others, especially children. Maxine’s interest in kids should be no surprise. She’s the founder of Build-A-Bear Workshops! (Yes, my granddaughter has three stuffed animals from our local store.)

I was lucky to spend time with Maxine – (Bob was sick with the flu) – when I spoke recently at the Spirit of Provident Annual Gala, a fund raising event and celebration hosted by Provident, a mental health provider  founded in 1860 by James Yeatman to help the sick and the poor in St. Louis. What you read is not a misprint. It was founded in 1860!

Provident was honoring Maxine and Bob at the gala, but the day before that event, the couple arranged for me to speak at the Clark-Fox Policy Institute at Washington University in St. Louis. My keynote was entitled Misguided and Misdiagnosed: Mental Health and the Criminal Justice System. After my speech, one of my favorite advocates, Susan W. McGraugh, a professor at Saint Louis University School of Law, who works with indigent, incarcerated clients, spoke eloquently about what services were available in St. Louis and what needed improvement. Later that night, Maxine hosted a private dinner for me with community leaders to discuss such topics as jail diversion, better police training, and affordable housing.

I explained that the first step is always for a community leader with clout (a judge, sheriff, or local official usually) to step forward and organize (force) all of those who have some connection with mental health/substance abuse (nearly everyone) to sit down at a table and find ways to collaborate. I said that night what I always say – that it is impossible to provide meaningful mental health services in your community unless you want to talk about supportive housing, job opportunities, easy access to mental health community services, transportation, specialized veterans programs, criminal justice reforms (such as jail diversion), helping children and giving people hope.

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