Matt Milam, another casualty

Pat Milam knows what it is like to bury a child. But it was not a gunman who murdered his son in  October 2011. It was America’s failed mental health system, the still-grieving father says.
Pat and Debbie Milam’s twenty-four year old son, Matthew, ended his own life eight days after he was discharged from a psychiatric ward in New Orleans, Louisiana, where he was being treated for bi-polar disorder and paranoid schizophrenia – although his parents have a difficult time actually calling what happened comprehensive “treatment.” Pat calls it “stabilize and release.” They claim Matthew was hustled through a system that did little to actually help their son while their repeatedly pleas for help were ignored.

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I am grateful to NBC Nightly News for calling attention to how difficult it is for families to get their loved ones help after they have been diagnosed with a mental illness. But there is more to my family’s story than what could be broadcast in two minutes.

My son was finally able to get the meaningful help that he needed to recover once he eventually got into our mental health system. A key player in his success was a wonderful case manager, Cynthia Anderson, and the jail diversion team/intensive case management team that she oversees in Fairfax County, Virginia. After my son’s  last major break, she fought to keep him in a hospital until he was ready to be discharged.  She got my son into see a psychiatrist and therapist who actually took time to know him as a person. She got my son into a transitional housing program. She got him into a training program so that he could become a certified peer-to-peer specialist. My son is living proof that most persons with mental illnesses can and do recover if and when they are given the wrap around services that they need to succeed.

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The senseless murders at Sandy Hook Elementary School have pricked the conscious of our nation. I’ve been doing my best this week to call attention to the need for mental health reforms, even though no one has said, for certain, that the shooter had a mental disorder. 

Talking about the shootings is tricky. We must make it clear that persons with mental illnesses are more likely to be the victims of violence than to be responsible for it. At the same time, these terrible shootings have opened a window for us to advocate for better care.

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Several readers have asked me what my son, Kevin Michael, has to say about the horrible shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Here is his response.

It seems there have been an abundance of shootings in America this past year. Instead of looking for a scapegoat, or a solution, I say we look at ourselves. Do we mock others who are not like us? Is the behavior we exhibit kind and generous and encouraging? Do the interactions we have with others lead to them feeling isolated, dejected and depressed, or …do our interactions lead them to feeling warm, appreciated and included? Do we celebrate violence, whether through our entertainment, music, video games or movies? Do we judge those who don’t have materials we have? Do we socially ostracize those who don’t meet whatever criteria of “success” we hold of them?

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The national debate about the horrific events at Sandy Hook Elementary School must include a strong call for improving our mental health care system. Now is not the time for us to hide or keep silent.

A blog by a desperate soccer mom about her struggles to help her son has gone viral.  That proves people are listening. They are trying to understand. We must not lose this opening to demand better services and to put a more representative face on those who have been diagnosed with mental disorders. Early reports suggest the shooter had a form of Asperger syndrome. Some consider it a mental illness. Others argue that it is not. Regardless, we need to speak about our failed system and not allow this debate to focus only on gun control.

There is another important part of this discussion that is not being voiced — but must be heard.

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Editor’s note: USA TODAY asked me to comment specifically about mental illness and gun control.  Here is my Op Ed that the newspaper is running on its website. (http://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2012/12/15/pete-earley-on-shooter-and-mental-illness/1771203/)

My adult son’s voice was rattled.

“You watching the news about Sandy Hook?” he asked.

“Yes, 20 children and six adults murdered,” I replied.

He let out a sad sigh. “I’m trying to wrap my head around this.”

Like most Americans, my adult son was distraught about Friday’s murders. How could anyone not be? But for him the news was especially unsettling. That’s because he’s one of “them.” He’s one of the ones being demonized on television. He’s been diagnosed with a mental illness. He’s been arrested. He’s been hospitalized in mental wards.

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